This post has been a long time coming. And honestly... I’ve
put it off for a while because I didn’t want to have to face this simple fact-
it has now been 80 days since I have awoken to the laughs of Stephen and
Sarita, cooked with Janet under the moonlight, danced with my 17 girls, hopped
on and off a boda, and heard the prayers of those who were once oppressed lift
HIGH to the One they have entrusted their ENTIRE hearts with.
In other words, I left Uganda 80 days ago and am currently
80 days into my last semester in college. I graduate exactly one month from
today.
I can’t even really explain how it was first getting back...
I remember it being so strange to climb into my bed and not have to tuck my
mosquito net around me... to turn on the shower and immediately feel warm
water.... to see food being thrown carelessly away.... to go into the hospital
and see an entire private room for ONE patient... to walk into my ministry here
at school and to not be able to connect and “find” the Lord amongst the blaring
electric guitars, rehearsed songs, and rows of chairs.
I remember people telling me how “proud they were of me” and
how “happy they were to see the Lord place such a passion in my heart for those
who were oppressed,” and though those comments were meant to encourage me, they
left me broken hearted. My desire to proclaim freedom for the oppressed is not
a unique thing that He has uniquely programmed for my heart to feel- it’s a
characteristic of the Lord’s heart that He is reflecting more and more within
me as I grow to love Him more and get to know Him more. All of our hearts are
meant to break for those who are enslaved BECAUSE all of our hearts, as
believers in Christ, should be seeking to reflect more and more of HIS HEART.
I remember sitting with my closest friends soon after
getting back... those who know my heart the very best... and struggling to
explain to them the deep convictions the Lord had placed on my heart about how I
felt that we were supposed to really live. I could no longer justify spending
$30 on that extra shirt... that dinner out... whatever it was knowing that I
could invest that very same $30 to allow a child to go to school for an entire
year. The barrage of questions from others consumed me... “So what are we
supposed to do, empty our bank accounts? Drop out of school? Sell our laptops
to feed hungry children?” ....... and yet I couldn’t deny the same still, quiet
voice that kept repeating:
“What if that is exactly what I was asking you to
do, would you do it?”
You see, it’s not about the $30... it’s about our hearts.
I’m not saying that the Lord is asking you to empty your savings account to
send hundreds of Ugandan children to school, but the point is, would
you if He was?
Just like the widow in Luke 21 put in the offering “all she
had to live on,” I believe the Lord is calling us all to live with OPEN HANDS
reflecting OPEN HEARTS.
In the book “Finish the Mission,” David Platt says, “Surely
this God warrants more than our raising a hand and praying a prayer. Surely
this God warrants more than nominal adherence, church attendance, or casual
acceptance. This God warrants COMPLETE ABANDONMENT of our plans, our
possessions, our hopes, our dreams, and our lives. We lay everything we have on
the table before this God, and we say, ‘Use me- my life, my family, my church,
everything I have and everything I am- for the spread of your glory and this
gospel to the ends of the earth.’ Indeed the ONLY LOGICAL RESPONSE to this
glorious God of grace is ‘Here I am. Send Me.’”
The Lord is telling us that what He has designed is not the notion of “I
lose and they gain” but rather “I go and give what He has entrusted me with,
and we both gain.” It’s a beautiful design that I fear as American Christians
we are missing out on... we are missing out on using what the Lord has given us
to fight injustice AND IN TURN missing out on experiencing His fullness of Joy.
You know what has scared me the most since getting back from
Uganda? There are those days that I get home from a long day of classes, a long
day at the hospital, or a long day pouring over job applications, and I climb
in bed and I realize that I didn’t think of or pray for my girls over in Uganda
at all that day... I didn’t allow my heart to stop for even a second to
intercede for those who are enslaved physically or spiritually.
We live in a world that tells us to live with our hands
clenched tightly closed hoarding our own “happiness” and accomplishments... and
it is in these moments that the Lord sweetly reminds me through my broken heart
how freeing it is to let go. To let go of my fears that my Ugandan
family has forgotten me. To let go of
my plans for next year, 5 years from now, and twenty years from now. To let go of my anxieties about being alone.
To let go of my worldly thoughts and “take
captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5).
To let go, TRUST, and
experience the fullness of joy He designed the complete abandonment of my heart
to find rest in....Himself.
With OPEN HANDS, Arms High & Heart Abandoned,
Em
