{Let me preface THIS ENTIRE POST by saying that I recognize
that though I am going through a time of transition in a lot of areas of my
life, it’s all about PERSPECTIVE: I know Jesus personally, I have an intact
family, I don’t need to worry about where my next meal is coming from, I have a
healthy body and access to healthcare, and a roof over my head that keeps me
safe, warm, and dry- MY BLESSINGS ARE NUMEROUS and I know that my life compared
to most people’s around the world, has faced very little hardship if any. I
just am seeking and yearning for a heart thats reaction to
unexpected/undesirable circumstances, whether big or small, would be one that
would continue to grow to bring Christ every ounce of glory on this earth that
it could.}
The past few weeks have been a literal whirlwind. OKAY, OKAY
maybe not a “literal” whirlwind (I know I say “literally” way too much)... but they
have been busy. To sum it all up quickly:
- An ELEVEN year season at Summer’s Best Two Weeks, a camp I have grown up at, came to a close
- My best friend got MARRIED.... MARRIED!
- I was offered a full-time nursing job in Baltimore in a pediatric Intensive Care Unit (EXACTLY the floor I wanted to work on) three days after returning home from working at camp all summer
- It hit me (a few months late) that I really have graduated college, am currently living at home away from all my college friends, and things aren’t ever going to be “how they were” again
- I FAILED my nursing boards and thought I lost my previously offered job
- BY THE GRACE OF GOD my job decided to “hold my position” until I retake the exam = a LITERAL (proper use of the word there) MIRACLE.
As I look up at that list, though there were “hard points” throughout
these past few weeks and moments that didn’t seem to make sense at all, I can
smile.... and not just in hindsight “when it finally all makes sense”... but
also through the midst of all the uncertainty. Because you see, I’ve “learned the secret.”
Paul, writing to the church in Philippi FROM JAIL, says,
“For I have learned to be content whatever
the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it
is to have plenty. I have learned the
secret of being content in any
and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in
plenty or in want.” [Philippians 4: 11-12]
In some stages of my life, I have desired “the secret”
during those difficult circumstances... when I was “in need, hungry, and living
in want.” In other stages of my life, I have desired “the secret”
during those times where things ‘were going good’... I was “well fed and living
in plenty” and yet still didn’t feel truly content.
But the truth is
that “the secret” has nothing to
do with the circumstances and everything to do with whether or not you trust
the LORD of those circumstances.
There was a moment for me last week where I sat on the floor
with my journal after I found out that I failed my nursing boards examination
and was facing the possibility of losing my job and wrote this one and only
line:
Because I KNOW you, I love and trust You, whatever the circumstances, Lord.
Did I say that because I was really happy in that moment?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Did I say that because everything made perfect sense to me? No,
no and NO.
Did I say that because I knew everything was going to turn
out great? Definitely not.
Did I say that because I’m some super “wise” Christian? HECK
NO.
I said that not because of anything I am but BECAUSE of the
I AM.
BECAUSE “to live is
Christ, and to die is gain” [Philippians 1:21].
BECAUSE by turning my eyes to the cross and Christ’s
sacrifice I am continually reminded that though it won’t make the situation
make sense, it assures me through the midst of it all that there is an
unconditional God that loves me. PERIOD.
THAT’S WHY “I can do everything through Him who gives me
strength” [Philippians 4:13]... that is such a powerful verse that is not just
meant to be worn, tattooed, or written for the sake of sports games.... it’s
not a “quotable line” for you to feel better in the moment, it’s the product,
the natural overflow of a heart that, DESPITE THE CIRCUMSTANCES, completely
trusts the One who made it, and who realizes that the “secret” is HIM.
So what does that mean for me right now where I am? It
means:
- Whether I go back to camp ever again or not, I’m content NOT BECAUSE I miss it any less, but because He’s never once failed me in leading me and I trust Him.
- If I remain single for the rest of my life, or get married- I’m content NOT BECAUSE my desires to be known intimately on this earth and experience Christ deeper through the blessing of marriage diminishes, but because I am not waiting on anyone to “complete” my heart- it is already being held completely by a God whose love never fails.
- If I live in a different state than my college friends, or in the same house- I’m content NOT BECAUSE it becomes any easier being apart from them, but because their friendships are constant reminders that He is a God who provided, provides, and will continue to provide.
- If I fail my nursing boards AGAIN and really lose my job or pass my exam and begin my job- I’m content NOT BECAUSE I take failure lightly and can just shake off the disappointment, but because I believe with my whole heart that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” [Romans 8:28].
- If I am able to move overseas, or if He places a new call on my heart to stay in the USA- I’m content NOT BECAUSE my love and yearning for the “least of these” overseas disappears, but because my love for them is rooted in my love for Christ, and I can rest knowing that the reason my heart breaks for injustice around the world is because HIS does. It’s not “my life,” it’s His... “Does the clay say to Him who forms it, ‘what are you making?’” [Isaiah 45:9]
Is this type of contentment a one-time decision? NO, it’s a
process... in the book of Philippians Paul says he learned
to be content. Tomorrow, next week, or in this very second I could fall prey to
satan’s lies, the distractions of the wind and the waves that try to take my
eyes off of my Lord (the “secret”) and overwhelm me as I begin to sink.
Battling the wind and the waves means continually fixing our eyes, hearts, and minds on Christ,
and it is then that our fear of the
wind and waves disappears because we know we’re holding the hand of the One who
controls them.
Learning to hold it all in “open hands” while whispering
“whatever the circumstances”- because “it’s not about me,”
em
 |
| Whether single or married... whatever the circumstances. |
 |
| Whether living on Amstel in Delaware or in Annapolis... whatever the circumstances. |
 |
| Whether serving overseas or serving in the USA...whatever the circumstances. |
